Cohesion
by TheLostMaximoff
Summary: Caitlin always worries about falling apart but lately she has a new reason to keep herself together.


Cohesion

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I really like Caitlin Snow. R/R.

Her head is pounding. Caitlin Snow opens her eyes and immediately closes them. Everything is too bright. Her alarm clock goes off and she fumbles in an attempt to turn it off. When she finally accomplishes her task, the dawning realization sets in. She has to get ready for work and she's completely hung over. Just processing that makes her headache worse but she has to soldier on. STAR Labs would probably fall apart without her there. Well, maybe it wouldn't fall apart necessarily but still she has responsibilities. She reasons that people do this all the time, come into work after a night on the town. It's what normal people do and maybe it's time she did it too.

Caitlin tumbles out of bed and tries to steady herself. Her mind sifts through the hazy images of the previous night as she slowly makes her way to the shower. She passes by the dress she wore last night as it rests on a hanger that dangles neatly from her closet's doorknob. She stops for a second and stares at it. A small smile forms on her lips but then she remembers that she has to get ready for work.

"Barry Allen," she mumbles, marveling at his thoughtfulness to hang up her dress instead of leaving it on the floor.

When she thinks of Barry, Caitlin sometimes feels warm inside. It bothers her but, like everything else that bothers her, she tries to push that aside. Ronnie made her feel the same way. He wouldn't have hung up her dress though, at least not until later in the morning. They were the proverbial odd couple. Caitlin was always the one who had everything neat and organized, planning her life right down to the very second. Ronnie was more laid back about things, never letting the little details about life get to him. She always envied that about him even though she tried not to let it show. It probably did anyway.

Caitlin enjoys relating her life to the three forms of matter. Life is solid, liquid, or gas in her world. She enjoys thinking of life this way because she likes to keep things simple and in neat little boxes. Her life was once solid. It had a stability to it, a comfortable routine that made her feel secure. She had a job, she had Ronnie, she had a life. Things didn't change and she enjoyed it that way.

Caitlin turns on the shower and tries to get the warm water to soothe the aching muscles in her head. Her life is more of a liquid now. It has less structure, less substance perhaps. She still has her job but she no longer has Ronnie. Liquids always change shape to fill their containers. Her life used to be inside a neat, normal box. Now Caitlin sometimes finds herself struggling to adapt to this new life and the new box that it's inside. She remembers telling Barry that different could be scary but good. It's something she's trying to remember herself. The thing about liquids is that they're always moving even if it's only on a molecular level. If they become stagnant for too long then they will start to become solid again. Caitlin thinks maybe her old life wasn't so perfect after all. She misses it but hers is a liquid life now and that means she has to keep moving. She can't afford to think about the past and let herself become stuck in it.

Caitlin finishes her shower and dries her hair. She tries to use the hairdryer on the lowest setting but still winces at the noise. It takes her forever to finish her task. Once she's done, she moves to her closet to get dressed, putting the dress from last night back in its proper place. There's one last state of matter that she tries not to think about. Caitlin doesn't want her life to become a gas. She doesn't want to just disperse into thin air, to just come apart. She wanted that back during the days that followed the lab explosion. She wanted to just fall apart but she held herself together. She likes to think she's good at that, at holding "Team Flash" together. There's something that holds her together though. At first it was some nameless feeling that she couldn't place. It was a warmth inside of her that kept her moving. She still won't admit but maybe it has a name now. Maybe it has a face and can run faster than a speeding bullet. Maybe it has a really nice singing voice and is thoughtful enough to hold her hair back while she's throwing up after too much to drink. Maybe Caitlin's learning to enjoy this new liquid life after all, just as long as she has Barry Allen as a part of it.


End file.
